Love so amazing, so divine, demands my life, my soul, my all

"When sin abounds, there is grace more abudant." - The Valley of Vision

Before I begin, let me clarify something. I'm not one of those girls that is obsessive over guys.
If I see a good quality in guy, I just think to myself, "Oh, he's really selfless/caring/funny/cute/yougetwhatImean," and move on with my life. I think being friends with guys is great! But anything more? At this stage? Not going to happen. I'm waiting for that one "perfect" guy who I pray God has planned for me.

Yet, something had been creeping in to my "it's all cool" attitude; I'd been becoming a little too confident in my OWN strength. Little fears started creeping in...I began thinking that my standards were too high - no, impossible - for any guy to fill. I began thinking about this future prince charming way more than I needed too. And other guys started filling my thoughts, as well.

I didn't know what was wrong, but I felt helpless against stopping these feeling and thoughts. It's not that they were wrong and totally wicked - the problem was that I was gradually, unknowingly, giving them more of my thoughts/time than God.

And even though this was all only going on in my mind - nothing had changed in my actual actions - it was still sinful. I wanted a physical, touchable, seeable love, and I felt like God's love wasn't real enough. This was straining my relationship with the truest, most perfect lover of my soul.

"Not to think of him was impossible. How to think of him was within her own power." - The Scottish Chiefs

(In my case, this him refers a multitude of good qualities I'd seen in other guys around me which I'd mushed together into this makebelieve dream boat whom I've never even met! How RIDICULOUS is that?! I was giving more of my time thinking about a fiction of my imagination that my savior whose love is greater than I can even imagine!!)

I was purusing the setapartgirl magazine when I suddenly saw what was going on. Sentences began jumping out at me:

"Even a Christ-Built Warrior-Poet can claim an unhealthy hold upon your thought-life if you are not guarded and purposeful about taking every thought captive." - setapartgirl magazine

"Being attracted to a guy isn't wrong in itself; it's a natural part of the way God made us. But if we don't handle attraction correctly, it can become one of the most dangerous stumbling blocks to our spiritual walk. If you allow attraction toward a guy to overtake your thoughts and emotions, it can easily take your focus off Christ...clouding your relationship with your king and dishonoring your relationship with your future husband." - setapartgirl magazine

"Our society...[tells you] you aren't complete alone, you have to have a partner...we need to get out of the mindset that we are 'half whole' and realize we're complete in Christ." - setapartgirl magazine

"So many of us, though we claim to know Jesus Christ, are still longing for our deepest desires to be fulfilled by someone else." - setapartgirl magazine

"Jesus Christ is your true prince...He is the one who gave His very life just to be with you...He is the only one who can meet your deepest longins, He is the only one worthy of your entire heart, life, soul, and body - all you are and all you have! Jesus Christ is the prince you should passionately pursue with all your heart." - setapartgirl magazine

"How matter how attracted you may feel toward someone, remember he could never compare to your true Bridegroom; the love of your soul. Find your satisfication in Jesus Christ alone, no matter how great or godly a man he brings into your life." - setapartgirl magazine.

I'd had my priorities all messed up. I had been isolating a part of my heart and setting it aside for my future husband, yet I wasn't isolating it from other guys - I was isolating it from God. I kept thinking of things I'd do/say when I had this future human romance, all the time forgetting that the most perfect, most satisfying love was within my reach.

I went to bed that night, and filled my mind with scripture. I prayed to God, and asked for His forgiveness. I asked to be filled with passionate, all-consuming love for Him - for He is worthy of EVERYTHING I have and will have and can become.

The sweet and beautiful words of a prayer in the book "Valley of Vision" fit my longing that perfectly: that I would know Christ as..."the path in which my feet tread, the latch upon the door of my lips, the light that shines through my eyes, the music of my ears, the marrow of my understanding, the strength of my will, the power of my affection, the sweetness of memory...unsought, thou hast given me the greatest gift, the person of thy son, and in him thou wilt give me all I need." (Those Puritans sure knew how to pray! Are those words not gorgeous?! What a fitting way to use the English language - to praise and glorify God!)

This struggle is now where near over. But I have a peace and assurance now I can't describe with words. I know the direction I want to pursue - the way I want to live - and with the help my almighty savior, I can begin to fight temptation and cling to Christ.

Wow, it felt wonderful to get that all out. Thanks for bearing with me!

I have more to say...on how I want my actions around guys to reflect my passionate love for Christ...on being judgmental and envious...and more! But, that will have to wait.

And, I would definitely recommend reading the setapartgirl magazine. It is so inspiring and convicting. You can read it for free on Leslie Ludy's website. Just type in "setapartgirl magazine" and you should find it.

Rejoicing in His AMAZING love!!

Kaley